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THE JOLLY FROG: Free speech meets basketcase. Hilarity ensues.



Wednesday, February 7, 2018

59. Smoking is BAd for your Health !?!

Please Note: This post was written on 6th February, 2018, which was exactly two years to the day that I stopped smoking. Unfortunately, I forgot to post it. 
The Author.

It is two years since I stopped smoking and after smoking for forty-seven years, I finally stopped. No patches, no stopping and starting, stopping and starting. I gave them up not because I was forced to, not because it was bad for my health, and not even because of the price - I gave up because I wanted to. I t was the right time for me to stop. I had been thinking for a while about stopping smoking - I'd have a couple of fags, then get anogher one and as I was about to light it, I'd pull a bit of a face, look at the cigarette with a grimace and think, urkg, I don't really want this, But then the other part of me said, but I want it, I need it. I'd have this back and forth thing with myself and of course, I always lit it.


Definition
CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!




Twilight Nursing Home
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"

Lady 2: "You can get them at any chemists."

The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The chap looks at her rather strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."



All aboard
Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane:

"I think everyone's asleep, let's go"

"This one's empty ... no-one's looking... you go in first"

"It's a bit cramped - let me sit down"

"Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on"

Sniff sniff

"Ah perfume - you think of everything"

"This is great....." (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.

"This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations... Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!"


Today's quote: It has been proven that all people who smoke die... It has also been proven that all people who don't smoke die too!
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