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THE JOLLY FROG: Free speech meets basketcase. Hilarity ensues.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

16. Ten Great Reasons To Be A Bloke

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
2. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
3. Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
4. You can open all your own jars.
5. You're not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
6. You know stuff about eight-cylinder engines.
7. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
8. A six-day holiday needs only one suitcase.
9. If another bloke shows up at a party in the same outfit, who gives a damn?
10. It doesn't cost you as much for a haircut.


Friday, March 23, 2012

15. The Limerick At Large

Did you know that the Limerick in it's true form was never a sweet, prissy goody two shoes type of work? It was always bawdy and mainly about sexual organs and bodily functions until the 19th century when they were "laundered" - in other words clean!

Not for the Victorian woman should there be any breath of scandal, any touch of bawdiness (how vulgar), anything remotely to suggest dubious moral virtue - why even the legs of tables were covered with "skirts" - to have them uncovered was deemed "vulgar" and unseemly! And legs suggested sex. The prudish Victorian made prudery a fine art. Emotions were not shown, one never hung one's dirty linen out in public (what would the neighbour's think?)

And so we come back to the limerick. As I said earlier, the limerick is meant to suggest, to arouse, to have bawdy undertones. For example ~

The Limerick's an art form complex
Who contents run chiefly to sex
It's famous for virgins
And masculine urgins
And vulgar erotic effects

But alas, they were watered down and "laundered"

The Limerick packs laughs anatomical
In a space which is quite economical
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical

Then there was the one about the lady from Norway. Limericks are always or nearly always about a young lady from somewhere, or the young fellow from wherever. Anyhow, back to that young lady from Norway ~

There was a young lady from Norway
Who hung upside down in a doorway
She said to her beau,
"Now listen here, Joe"
"I think I have just found one more way"

I'll leave you with this little one ~

Said an Argentine gaucho named Bruno,
"Three things about morals I do know;
Fornication's perverse,
Bestiality's worse
And chastity's numero uno"


14. The Four Corners

Back in the old days the local crossroads of a little country town was known colloquialy as "Damnation Corner" - Legislation, Temptation, Damnation and Salvation.
On each corner of the intersection stood four buildings -
The Courthouse (Legislation)
The Pub (Temptation)
The Brothel (Damnation)
The Church (Salvation)

You can guess which corner was the most popular...

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

13. Three Old Blokes

Three old blokes at the old people's home were sitting on a bench. A young female staffer walks by. The old bloke's eyes nearly pop out of their heads - she's a looker alright - great figure, big bazoomas, tight fitting T-shirt, mini skirt and legs up to her armpits.

The first old bloke says, "Ooh, I'd like to give her a kiss"
The second old bloke says, "Ooh, I'd like to give her a cuddle"
The third old bloke says, "What was the other thing we used to do?"

Did you know that in 64 years there are 33,661,440 minutes