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THE JOLLY FROG: Free speech meets basketcase. Hilarity ensues.



Monday, January 29, 2018

58. Heaven and Hell

Heaven

is where

the cooks are French,

the police are British,

the mechanics are German,

the lovers are Italian

and

everything is organised by the Swiss.


Hell

is where

the cooks are British,

the police are German,

the mechanics are French,

the lovers are Swiss,

and

everything is organised by the Italians.




Today's quote: “I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine.” ― Peter Ustinov

Sunday, January 28, 2018

57. Public Conversations

So,
I was in a public toilet and had just sat down, when I heard a voice from the next cubicle, he said, "Hi!, how are you?"

Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine."

The voice said, "So what are you up to?"

I said, "Just doing the same as you, sitting here!".

He said, "Can I come over?".

Annoyed, I said, "rather busy right now".

The voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot next door answering all my questions."



Today's quote: Notice: Gentlemen, your Aim will help. Stand Closer, it's Shorter than you Think!

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

56. Are My Testicles Black?

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"




Today's quote: “ Treat you nurse well. ‘I can walk as slow or as fast as I choose to retrieve that pain medication you requested.“