Melbourne Time

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THE JOLLY FROG: Free speech meets basketcase. Hilarity ensues.



Sunday, October 20, 2013

32. Two Dunnies

One of my favourite quotes from Crocodile Dundee was when Mick arrived in New York and was being shown his opulent hotel room. ON being shown the bathroom, he is confronted with two toilets. Amazed, he calls out, "Hey Sue, some nitwit's put two dunnies in here"
It just goes to show that humour can be gentle and doesn't need to rely on bad language or swear words.

Note: As the video clip is not a youtube one, I can only provide the link.

Monday, October 14, 2013

31. Tampons

Two young boys walked into the chemist shop one day, picked out a box of Tampax then went to the counter to pay. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight and a half," the boy answered. The man then said, "Do you know how these are used?" The boy replied, "No, not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for my brother, he's four. We saw on the telly that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike and he can't do either one."

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

30. The Office Memo

Dear Employees,

It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. However, we realise the critical importance of accurately expressing your thoughts when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, we have provided a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases so proper exchange of ideas may continue in an effective manner.


INSTEAD OF: .................................................................TRY SAYING:

1. You don't know what the f*** you're doing - I think you could use more training

2. She's a ball-busting b***h - She's an aggressive go-getter

3. And when the f*** do you expect me to do this? - Perhaps I can work late

4. No f***ing way - I'm certain that isn't feasible

5. You've got to be sh**ing me! - Really?

6. Tell someone who give a sh** - Perhaps you should check with...

7. It's not my f***ing problem - I wasn't involved in the project

8. What the f***? - That's interesting

9. This sh** won't work - I'm not sure this can be implemented

10. Why the f*** didn't you tell me sooner? - I'll try to schedule that

11. He's got his head up his a*** - He's not familiar with the issues

12. Eat sh** and die - Excuse me sir?

13. Kiss my a*** - So you weren't happy with it?

14. F*** it, I'm on salary - I'm a bit overloaded at the moment

15. Shove it up your a*** - I don't think you understand

16. This job sucks - I love a challenge

17. Who the f*** died and made you boss? - You want me to take care of that?

18. He's a pr*ck - He's somewhat insensitive


Thank you,

Human Resources.