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THE JOLLY FROG: Free speech meets basketcase. Hilarity ensues.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

30. The Office Memo

Dear Employees,

It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. However, we realise the critical importance of accurately expressing your thoughts when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, we have provided a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases so proper exchange of ideas may continue in an effective manner.

INSTEAD OF: .................................................................TRY SAYING:

1. You don't know what the f*** you're doing - I think you could use more training

2. She's a ball-busting b***h - She's an aggressive go-getter

3. And when the f*** do you expect me to do this? - Perhaps I can work late

4. No f***ing way - I'm certain that isn't feasible

5. You've got to be sh**ing me! - Really?

6. Tell someone who give a sh** - Perhaps you should check with...

7. It's not my f***ing problem - I wasn't involved in the project

8. What the f***? - That's interesting

9. This sh** won't work - I'm not sure this can be implemented

10. Why the f*** didn't you tell me sooner? - I'll try to schedule that

11. He's got his head up his a*** - He's not familiar with the issues

12. Eat sh** and die - Excuse me sir?

13. Kiss my a*** - So you weren't happy with it?

14. F*** it, I'm on salary - I'm a bit overloaded at the moment

15. Shove it up your a*** - I don't think you understand

16. This job sucks - I love a challenge

17. Who the f*** died and made you boss? - You want me to take care of that?

18. He's a pr*ck - He's somewhat insensitive

Thank you,

Human Resources.

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