40. Potential and Reality

Young son asks his father: "Dad, what is the difference between potential and reality?"

Dad: I'll show you.
Dad turned to his wife and ask her: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million Dollars?
Wife answers: "Yes of Course! I would never waste such an opportunity to be a millionaire"

Then dad asked his daughter if she would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars.
Daughter: "Wow! Yes Yes! I will, that's my fantasy"

So Dad turned to his elder son and asks him: Son, would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?


Elder son replied: "Yeah. Why not? Imagine what I could do with a million dollars!"

Then the father turned to his younger son and said: "You see son, we have the potential to make 3 million dollars, but in reality we're living with two tarts and a pouf."

39. Airline Safety 3

Isaac Asimov is said to have said, "I do not use airplanes. They strike me as unsporting. You can have an automobile accident—and survive. You can be on a sinking ship—and survive. You can be in an earthquake, fire, volcanic eruption, tornado, what you will—and survive. But if your plane crashes, you do not survive."
Smart thinking when you come to think of it.

38. Famous words ...

No one, however smart, however well educated, however experienced is the suppository of all wisdom - Tony Abbott.

37. Airline Conversations

The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:

The second officer says, "Oh shit!"
The first officer says, "I have an idea!"
The captain says, "Hey, watch this!"

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee ~ Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel

36. Great Uncle Stanley

The Johnson's were very proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards. The Johnsons decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. They hired a fine author. There was only one problem - how to handle that of great-uncle Stanley, who was executed in the electric chair.

The author told them not to worry and said he could handle the story; tactfully. The book appeared.
It said, "Great-uncle Stanley occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock."

The "Eclectic Chair"

35. Airline Safety 2

A plane was taking off from Tullamarine Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 275, non-stop from Melbourne to London. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Economy yelled out, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

34. Religion

A new priest was so nervous at his first Mass that he could hardly speak. After Mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
...The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass."

So the next Sunday, he took the Monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after Mass, he found the following note on the door:

To Our New Curate - A Few Tips.
* Sip the vodka, don't gulp it.
* There are 10 commandments, not 12.
*There are 12 disciples, not 10.
* Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
* Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
* We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
* The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
* David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
* When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
* We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
* When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
* The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
* The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Thanks for the grub, yeah God.
* Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.