30. The Office Memo

Dear Employees,

It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. However, we realise the critical importance of accurately expressing your thoughts when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, we have provided a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases so proper exchange of ideas may continue in an effective manner.


INSTEAD OF: .................................................................TRY SAYING:

1. You don't know what the f*** you're doing - I think you could use more training

2. She's a ball-busting b***h - She's an aggressive go-getter

3. And when the f*** do you expect me to do this? - Perhaps I can work late

4. No f***ing way - I'm certain that isn't feasible

5. You've got to be sh**ing me! - Really?

6. Tell someone who give a sh** - Perhaps you should check with...

7. It's not my f***ing problem - I wasn't involved in the project

8. What the f***? - That's interesting

9. This sh** won't work - I'm not sure this can be implemented

10. Why the f*** didn't you tell me sooner? - I'll try to schedule that

11. He's got his head up his a*** - He's not familiar with the issues

12. Eat sh** and die - Excuse me sir?

13. Kiss my a*** - So you weren't happy with it?

14. F*** it, I'm on salary - I'm a bit overloaded at the moment

15. Shove it up your a*** - I don't think you understand

16. This job sucks - I love a challenge

17. Who the f*** died and made you boss? - You want me to take care of that?

18. He's a pr*ck - He's somewhat insensitive


Thank you,

Human Resources.

14. The Four Corners

Back in the old days the local crossroads of a little country town was known colloquialy as "Damnation Corner" - Legislation, Temptation, Damnation and Salvation.
On each corner of the intersection stood four buildings -
The Courthouse (Legislation)
The Pub (Temptation)
The Brothel (Damnation)
The Church (Salvation)

You can guess which corner was the most popular...