39. Airline Safety 3

Isaac Asimov is said to have said, "I do not use airplanes. They strike me as unsporting. You can have an automobile accident—and survive. You can be on a sinking ship—and survive. You can be in an earthquake, fire, volcanic eruption, tornado, what you will—and survive. But if your plane crashes, you do not survive."
Smart thinking when you come to think of it.

37. Airline Conversations

The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:

The second officer says, "Oh shit!"
The first officer says, "I have an idea!"
The captain says, "Hey, watch this!"

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee ~ Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel

35. Airline Safety 2

A plane was taking off from Tullamarine Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 275, non-stop from Melbourne to London. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Economy yelled out, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

26. Airline Safety

Things you do not want to hear when flying

Is that plane coming towards us?

 

Let me in!

 

The man entrusted to repair the plane